Good Day all, it’s Friday and I’m fine, today I woke up wondering and trying to figure out ways you can provide a service or product and have the customer benefit way more than you do. As well as how can you create something that people will be willing to offer money to help others without thinking about what they can get in return. The way people think at times really disappoint me, but then when you ponder on it a bit you can’t really blame them it’s usually how they were treated before is how they portray they should treat others. Society has made it that people are very skeptical of causes and sad stories given to them by others and sometimes even organizations, the thought pattern now is what do I get out of it or this must be a scam. So I decided to find a podcast on giving more than actually taking more and in this interview a dude by the name Adam Grant is gonna share his advice on how to give value and the profits will come after.

Here’s the Podcast http://theartofcharm.com/podcast/adam-grant-give-take-giver-episode-311/

Key Points Taken

Organisation Psychologist? – 6:16

Give and take the book – 7:50
Figuring out how much you can give without being taken for a ride. In any industry or in society there are 3 styles of interaction:
1) The Takers – These are the people always want to get stuff with no real intention of paying back. Best social loafers, free riders and shirkers. Hog the easier work and leave the hard stuff to everyone else and then take the lion share of credit at the end for a job well done, but be sure that they wont take any credit if the job was done poorly, prepare for the blame game.

2) The givers – One who enjoys helping others with no strings attached.
Breakdown of how you can give value – 9:07
Sharing your knowledge, giving expertise in an area that you know people will value.
Provide mentoring to people who are trying to follow in your footsteps.
Making introductions based on your network connections (dial-up or broadband), you can link two strangers who you know will benefit greatly by joining together.
Just showing up to support people around you.
3)Machters – which are in-between the spectrum which was mentioned at 39:21

Deciding what kind of giving you should focus on depends on these questions What other people need? What are their challenges? What are their problems? and who do you know and what you know and try to connect the dots.

Are you giving something that the other person doesn’t necessarily want – 11:36
Here are some ways to really be generous by offering something they want:
1) Genuinely ask what ways you can be helpful.
2) For the people on the receiving end, you can broadcast your needs.

Ways to help people who are off the radar (not that visible or a complete stranger) – 13:23
Use an app name refresh, which searches the web on one particular person and gathers all the info on them so you can know what are their interests prep before hand and build a perfect relationship in the end.
Another thing you can do is provide them with all the things that you can offer, in a polite way of course, start with a good conversation and flatter them with kind words of the work they do then when right go for the kill. For example during the conversation you can share the things you love to do that may benefit you such as I have a great group of associates who do x y and z, I have been in the real estate field for quite a while if you are looking for houses and I see you are into football I have a friend who has tickets to said team if you need a link please let me know. It’s like being a server in a restaurant, present a menu and see which one the customer wants to take a bite on.

If they do bite on one how do you close the deal or decide if its worth it? – 16:05
Well if the person has accepted an offer and has you doing extra work by sending him the information via email, or creating a specific time to meet and it ends up being more a task than anything. Adam suggests setting up stage gates, where you get people to do the work for you. (as for all the people reading here this may not apply totally to us)
Engage in another conversation with them at another time to help decide if its worth all the work to continue the relationship.

Depending on the person make your offer short and sweet – 22:51
Here is a blog post Adam made on this topic.

Here are the 6

  • Perfect the subject line
  • Tell them why you chose them
  • Show that you’ve done your homework
  • Highlight uncommon commonalities
  • Make your request specific, and keep it short and sweet
  • Express gratitude

Also another one is how you come off very rude while emailing someone to offer your services.

Some weird emails received by Adam after the book was published – 24:01
Here are some examples of the weird people who ask for favors, the main reason he got some of these emails were because his wife was quoted that he never says no.

The Five minute favor – 27:27
Adam Rifkin a successful entrepreneur who founded a company with 50million in funding and build two others, who is now a retired 30 something full-time giver helping other entrepreneurs brought significance to this concept. He said the biggest mistake people make is that they think that they need to be a mother Theresa or Gandhi and that’s not sustainable for any of us, what you need to do is “add high value to other people’s lives at low personal cost.” He was an extremely shy and introverted person and to overcome this he decided he was gonna do more five-minute favors by doing 3 introductions each day. He see’s who is in network and how they can help each other, over the past 12 years he has made 3 introductions every day, by doing so, more than 5 dozen companies have been started, he has found connections for many and also accidentally arranged a few marriages. You can do this as well and it only takes a few minutes out of your day.

Ensuring you introductions don’t flop – 30:45
First things first find out if they don’t already know each other, secondly give both parties a brief rundown on the person and to why they should meet. For example they both are interested in the same technology or the both like a specific TV show or they both follow the same team, they both should have an uncommon commonality (something you both really care about or interested in or good at, but relatively unique to each of you. The key is to give them a really unique reason as to why they should connect, not only does this increase the likely hood of a new connection but it shows you as more of a giver.

Power of powerless communication with honest Abe – 32:56
Abraham Lincoln was in a debate and his opponent called him 2 faced and quick-witted as Abe was responded with “You called me two-faced, do you really think if I had another face, I would wear this one?” In this scenario its a tactic of diversion while intentionally making himself look bad by talking about his appearance in a negative way. He is also humanizing with the audience to make them sympathize with him. In a networking sense in Trini terms mamaguy the other person before building your self up, you need to give the other person feel powerful and even though you are letting down their guard and they have become powerless. Careful with this tactic if can backfire.

The skill of spotting a “taker” before being taken – 35:00.
Beware of the taker, he tends to make a very charming first impression, quite the charmer and will lure you in and then stab you in the back with ease. They have a lot of confidence, a huge ego and are very narcissistic, their techniques include:
1) kissing up and kicking down.
2) They are great at faking relationships – for example if they treat the high ups better than the ones below, tread lightly. Ways of figuring this out is to ask people’s opinion of him/her.
3) How they talk in conversations, if they are using more I’s and me than us and we’s.

Reason why Givers rise and Takers fall – 39:21
Matchers are the ones who say I will do something for you if you do something for me, they hate when takers take and get away with it and become the karma police to help right the wrong. For example if they see a taker cause some injustice the next time a taker is gonna do it to someone else a Matcher will ensure to inform the person before it happens.

Be chunker not a sprinkler – 42:00
Do a bunch of good acts in a day instead of spreading it across a whole week. There’s a study done by Sonja Lyubomirsky on people who were asked to random acts of kindness over 10 weeks against doing it all in one day and the results proved that the people who did it all in one day got happier and more energized. This all means when you do one-act of kindness a day its a drop in the bucket whereas when you choose one day as your giving day each week it really feels like you made an impact.

How giving can make you a better negotiator – 44:07
The higher your intelligence the better the person you are negotiating with is going to do.

Dormant Ties – 45:45
If you are working on a project and need to reach out to someone for advice or information, don’t ask your current circle of friends, because they usually have the same people or information to suggest that you already know about. Seek out people from your past, who you haven’t talked to in a while because they are around different people, experiencing different things, learning different information. When you do this though you will soon realize if you were a giver, a taker, or a matcher in that relationship because if you were a taker they will refuse to reconnect, if you were a giver they will willingly provide access and if you were a matcher the information will be negotiated.

Try to unlock 1 dormant tie a month – 48:25
Doing this may sound troublesome but you never know what it can unlock for you and keeping those connections open can pay dividends in the long run. Here is a way to do it, mention that you just had an experience that reminded me of you and its a shame we fell out of contact, it would be great to find out what you’re up to and maybe there is a way i can be a help to you. If you can make it a habit of it that’s 12 rekindled connections a year that could potentially be of significance. Where to look? Maybe an old Facebook friend you haven’t talked with in a while, or go through an old book with school mates in it or even a phone book.

Final thoughts – 50:20
Dont not assume that you are a giver, find out from the people looking in which category you fit into. You can also let people rate you by going to and then submitting your results to get an assessment.

I liked this podcast, good information on the theory of giving and networking, finding out what category you fit in was fun to know too. How you should give to others is not as easy as you think because first you have to know what the person requires and how you should present yourself beforehand. How to connect people who you think can benefit each other, using the 5 minute favor from Adam Rifkin to improve networks or even do more. Ensuring introductions don’t flop by giving each party reasons they are a good fit, incorporating the powering the powerless rule for your own benefit but use it wisely. Spot takers, increase your giving capacity by being a chunker and keep checking up on dormant ties for worthwhile opportunities and just plain friendship. Thank you all for checking out my Friday analysis, I seem to be getting better at this my time for dropping these are earlier and earlier, hopefully I can share more content.

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